Where do you find the will to paint
Is it a phenomenon peculiar to me or is there some known psychological disorder that precludes creativity in certain areas. Now I’m not talking areas of the brain or even areas relating to a certain craft. This is geographical. Or at least it seems that way. I’m perplexed.
This notion would have never raised it’s head or even been thought of but for an issue that has come to be. I’ve lost my mojo, my focus, my artistic inspiration took a long walk and hasn’t returned. I’m lacking a purpose and it’s driving me insane. I dare not start a painting project as I’m worried it will turn out bad, and I’ve got myself into a self perpetuating circle.
The story goes something like this:
When I returned from Cyprus (seriously depressed) I was painting virtually 24/7 unfortunately this was manic and couldn’t continue indefinitely. I stayed at home and did nothing but artwork, even the food shopping was delivered and I saw no one for days on end. Not particularly healthy, but very productive. I was producing still life’s, figurative and semi abstract landscapes, alongside my abstract work. I had a one man show and a small independent gallery in the city took my work.
A bungalow came up for sale in the village I had been looking at.
It needed a fair amount of work but it was habitable, well at least it was after the urine soaked carpets had been discarded and all the floors scrubbed and disinfected. It was about this time that I was prescribed my “happy pills” They may have evened out my mood but I was living in a sort of fog, a non world. My abstracts weren’t being well received and the folks around me didn’t like them, somewhere along the line creativity took a hike. I put away my painting paraphernalia. The medication ended but the painting did not resume. In the months and years that followed a fair number of the paintings that were still in my possession were burnt in fits of pique.
Fast forward 7 years.
I bought a derelict cottage in another village about 15 miles away. Took a year to make habitable, moved in. Had the urge to paint. Got out my paint brushes and took up from where I had left off.
In the following 3 years I had paintings accepted in London as well as local galleries.
Due to my Mothers continuing ill health and other issues I decided to move back to the village where I had previously lived. I had a buyer for the cottage so, my belongings went into storage and I moved in with my Mum for a few months. After a 4 month wait I moved in to a bungalow on the same road that I had previously lived on. That was last November. I had a room allocated for my art studio and was all set.
I have done a few paintings, but on the whole have not been too happy with them. I’ve tinkered about with photos on the computer but that’s not really what I want to do. And so it seems I am virtually back to where I started.
So… is it geographical.